


Death Is Our Only Salvation

by CandyCrackpot



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Angst, M/M, everything you can expect from dgm, pain and suffering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-07 17:13:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5464499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CandyCrackpot/pseuds/CandyCrackpot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>CHANGED TITLE FROM YULLEN WEEK 2015! Sometimes, we can't keep our promises. My contribution to Yullen Week 2015, a series of drabbles. Please Read and Review.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Trust

I'm going to be honest, I was so busy lately I couldn't really think of something decent, so you guys will get a series of angsty drabbles for Yullentide.

Pairing: Yullen, duh.

Warning: angst, violence, swearing, blood, gore, emotional pain on your part and everything you should expect from D.Gray-man.

Rating: T, 16+ just in case.

Naturally it's not mine.

As always, reviews are love.

Chapter 1 - Trust

Their trust was wavered in him, Allen knew. They all looked at Komui, not understanding, not _wanting_ to understand what the Supervisor just said. The truth was devastating: Allen, the Ark, the Musician, Timcanpy, the Will- It all made sense now. It was sickening.

And then Komui's expression darkened further, his lips trembled as he tried to form those hurtful words. For Komui, whose desire was to protect the Exorcists from being sacrifices this was the most painful decision: to sacrifice one to save the rest.

To spare him from such agony, Allen chose to speak the dreaded order. "If that happens please kill me."

He steeled himself to incredulous looks with an expressionless face. Right now he couldn't even bring himself to smile. On the other hand he couldn't afford to show hesitation in front of his friends or else they won't be able to distance themselves if - when - the time came. His heart ached seeing their anguished expression.

"But that won't happen. If the 14th comes to destroy the Order I'll stop him. You'll see." He might have promised to keep walking until he died, but he wasn't about to let a potential sociopath ruin what he built in his short life.

Also he couldn't expect his friends to carry such a heavy burden, they had so much to worry about already. He will simply command Crowned Clown to destroy the 14th from within, even if it meant losing Allen's life in exchange.

He swept his monochrome eyes over the facial expression of his comrades. Most of their eyes were glassy, staring at particularly nothing as they tried to comprehend what Allen just asked them.

It was a leap of faith, Allen got it. He just asked his friends to put their faith in him and expect the best.

But Allen also knew that no matter who ordered them to, his friends would never be able to hurt him. Even if he wasn't himself anymore. The Generals will surely stop him if the situation required so.

Finally Allen's eyes landed on Kanda. The swordsman's entire body was stiff as a board, Allen couldn't tell if he was still breathing. The only indication of life was those intense onyx eyes gazing into his.

Allen couldn't tell what feelings washed through his comrade, but he was sure in one.

They have never been "friends", but they had a particular bond that couldn't really be explained. Even though they were aggravated in each other's presence, it was also a source of comfort. They could always trust the other to back them up, they could always rely on each other. It was an unsaid promise next to the secret - but mutual - respect.

Now it all went down the drain.

The relationships he built within the Order were gone. Cross was gone. His friends trust in him were gone. His trust in Mana was gone. His trust in his _own_ self was gone.

His past, his future, his hopes, his promises, his whole _life_ was... Gone.

He jerked out of his thoughts as Kanda whizzed past him, leaving a scent of green tea and sandalwood behind. The thought of Kanda leaving left an empty feeling in him.

But in the end everyone will, won't they? No one would want to stay by the side when he was a natural disaster that could strike any time. They would leave him, just like his parents did when it turned out he wasn't normal. In the end, he will be left behind again.

The sound of metal sliding woke him up from his depressed state.

"Kanda!" the indignant cries were ignored. Allen could feel the cold blade of Mugen from behind by right side of his neck.

"I'll do it. I'll kill him." He said in a determined voice. "Remember this feeling well, Beansprout. Because next time you feel it again it will be your last."

Allen let out a humourless laugh. "Even after all this time, you still won't say my name."

As quickly as the blade came, it was pulled back and placed back in its sheath. With that Kanda turned on his heels and left the room, indifferent towards the disarray he left. Kanda's little stunt have woken up the crowd from their shock. Komui, Lenalee, Krory, and Miranda approached him asking if he was alright. Tiedoll and Marie came to apologize for Kanda's behaviour, while Klaud, Sokalo and Chaoji just left. The two Central agents inspected the sight with critical eyes next to the recording Bookmen.

Despite the horrible mood he was in Allen found the edge of his mouth quirk up a little.

Even if his friends were just as insecure about these revelations as he was, they were still worried about him, they still cared. Allen wondered if Kanda knew this would happen when he passed over his message.

Dakikubi. In Japan when someone committed ritual suicide (which meant they would cut up their stomach) they'd have an assistant, who'd sever the victim's head leaving a tiny amount of flesh behind, so the head wouldn't fall to the ground. It was an extremely hard technique, that required outstanding swordsmanship.

Kanda meant to say three things.

First, if it came to worst, Kanda would quickly end his life so he wouldn't suffer. Because Kanda knew that Allen would sooner commit suicide than letting someone else get hurt.

Second, although Allen didn't see it, he could feel that Kanda pressed the dull side to his neck.

And lastly, _seppuku_ was executed by samurais only. Warriors. Kanda just acknowledged him as his equal.

He trusted Kanda would finish him.

Kanda trusted that he would fight to the end.

It was an another unspoken promise.

Who was he to disappoint?


	2. Liberate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I'm glad to see that some people are interested in this. Thank you MixBerkaan, Ryuakilover and 3Alaska for commenting. Please review on this chapter too ^^

Chapter 2 - Liberate + Bonus: Koev Halev

"Beansprout..." Allen's eyes teared up hearing Kanda's dying whisper. As he glanced at Kanda's - both mentally and physically - broken form, Kanda's memories rushed trough him once again.

All that misery, crushed hope and betrayal. Allen always knew that Kanda hid painful things, and now it came crushing down on him. Suddenly everything about Kanda made sense. His distance, his anger, his loathing and that cold feeling of resignation.

It hurt. Not just because he really lived through those memories, but the knowledge that Kanda was suffering all this time. Cruelly manipulated into a war he wanted to escape from. Forced into hurting Alma and then carry the weight of it. All of this on his own.

Just what kind of comrade was he that he couldn't even express properly that he's always by his side?

But today that would change. He would break the chains of fate that held him down. He will save both of them.

Kanda's eyes widened when Allen picked up his torn off foot and squeezed it back to his femur. Even though the seal was quite worn off it still attached the limb back. Growing another leg would have taken more energy. "What are you-?"

Allen grabbed Kanda's arm and laid out on his shoulder, while his Innocence arm closed itself around Mugen. The Second Exorcist let out a pained groan as he was pulled up. Allen shot out his Clown Belt and wrapped it around the too cheerful Millennium Earl and yanked him hard enough to pull him off that ridiculous statue. The rest of the Noah Clan provided a comical sight as they attempted to rival Allen's strength as he hoisted Kanda and himself into the air.

Kanda attempted to question his intentions again. "Hey-"

"I'm sorry." His onyx eyes widened seeing the agony in Allen's eyes. "I'm sorry that I couldn't help you. That I couldn't be support. That you had to go through all of that alone."

An incredulous expression spread on Kanda's face. Here he was weakened down to barely regenerating at all in front of the same person he hurt so much... and that person was still trying to help him. "You..."

"At least, I want to give you a closure."

Kanda was still in disbelief as he looked into Allen's eyes. The next second he let his head rest against Allen's cellarbone. "Do you remember the place of our first mission?"

"Yes!" Allen replied, mentally reciting the lyrics of the Ark.

"No one should be able to find us there." With that, Kanda gathered the last of his remaining strength and jumped to Alma.

"Kanda!" he turned back hearing Allen's voice call out to him. "Lenny told me that if anyone would be able to save Alma, that's you! I feel the same."

He smiled at Kanda's sad frown, trying to reassure him. In turn, Kanda's scowl melted into a beautiful smile. "Thank you, Allen Walker. I'm alive thanks to you." Allen couldn't really explain why his chest and cheeks felt so warm at that, his exhaustion has dissipated. Allen felt that he could watch Kanda's usually angry facial expression serene at once, but the magic was over when Kanda turned back to face his old friend. "Alma!" His hands that attempted to destroy his childhood friend again now embraced him.

"Yuu?" Alma breathed out, seemingly unable to believe that Kanda hugged him.

"Let's run away from this place." Allen heard Kanda whisper. "To a place where Noah, Akuma, the Order and Innocence don't exist. This time we'll be together."

Fresh tears broke out from Alma's eyes and his lower half collapsed. Both he and Kanda were falling down.

Allen landed on top of the Noah's sculpture, not minding that there were five Noah in a 10 metres vicinity. He raised his hand up to open a gate as he pictured the soft sand where they buried Lala and Guzol.

His eyes met Kanda's questioning and a bit confused ones. For once he knew what Kanda was thinking. What a pity they only got this close at the very end... 'What are you doing? You can't stay here.'

In response Allen gave him a sad, but reassuring smile, that caused a tint of fear glint in Kanda's onyx eyes. Allen wasn't coming with them. With this decision he betrayed the Church, yet he was willing to stay and face his hopeless future. He was staying with the Noah who wanted to sacrifice him to revive their kin and the Order that would surely want to execute him for granting his only wish. Kanda would be finally free from fighting, he would be free from that unspoken promise.

 _I'm going to need a new Grim Reaper._ Allen thought. But it was alright. He was going to die anyway. There was no escape for him.

But right now, even with his stomach cut open, Allen felt a freedom he never felt before. He was the one in control, he decided the fate of people, he would see Alma and Kanda off. Not as the next 14th, not as an Exorcist, but as Allen Walker, who finally managed to save someone. He waved at Kanda still smiling and mouthed him farewell.

His heart squelched in his chest seeing tears well up in Kanda's eyes, his chapped lips curled around his name."Alle-" but Allen didn't get to hear him call him by his name again as Alma and Karma fell through the gate. But that was alright. Their long nightmare was over. Allen's would never end. But at least he could lull himself into this delicate dream. "Goodbye, Alma." Finally those two could have their well deserved rest. "Ark Gate, Adara." His fist closed, causing the gate to shatter like broken mirror.

As he glanced back at the stunned faces of the Noah and the Order his face was wiped clean from the smile, his eyes were only filled with determination. He would protect those two until the very end, even if it was the last thing he did.

**As you wish. It _will_ be.**

His eyes darkened, but he showed no other indications of hearing the 14th's voice. "I won't allow the Noah or the Church to meddle around again."

 

 

Well, I'm glad to see that some people are interested in this.

Chapter 2 - Liberate + Bonus: Koev Halev

"Beansprout..." Allen's eyes teared up hearing Kanda's dying whisper. As he glanced at Kanda's - both mentally and physically - broken form, Kanda's memories rushed trough him once again.

All that misery, crushed hope and betrayal. Allen always knew that Kanda hid painful things, and now it came crushing down on him. Suddenly everything about Kanda made sense. His distance, his anger, his loathing and that cold feeling of resignation.

It hurt. Not just because he really lived through those memories, but the knowledge that Kanda was suffering all this time. Cruelly manipulated into a war he wanted to escape from. Forced into hurting Alma and then carry the weight of it. All of this on his own.

Just what kind of comrade was he that he couldn't even express properly that he's always by his side?

But today that would change. He would break the chains of fate that held him down. He will save both of them.

Kanda's eyes widened when Allen picked up his torn off foot and squeezed it back to his femur. Even though the seal was quite worn off it still attached the limb back. Growing another leg would have taken more energy. "What are you-?"

Allen grabbed Kanda's arm and laid out on his shoulder, while his Innocence arm closed itself around Mugen. The Second Exorcist let out a pained groan as he was pulled up. Allen shot out his Clown Belt and wrapped it around the too cheerful Millennium Earl and yanked him hard enough to pull him off that ridiculous statue. The rest of the Noah Clan provided a comical sight as they attempted to rival Allen's strength as he hoisted Kanda and himself into the air.

Kanda attempted to question his intentions again. "Hey-"

"I'm sorry." His onyx eyes widened seeing the agony in Allen's eyes. "I'm sorry that I couldn't help you. That I couldn't be support. That you had to go through all of that alone."

An incredulous expression spread on Kanda's face. Here he was weakened down to barely regenerating at all in front of the same person he hurt so much... and that person was still trying to help him. "You..."

"At least, I want to give you a closure."

Kanda was still in disbelief as he looked into Allen's eyes. The next second he let his head rest against Allen's cellarbone. "Do you remember the place of our first mission?"

"Yes!" Allen replied, mentally reciting the lyrics of the Ark.

"No one should be able to find us there." With that, Kanda gathered the last of his remaining strength and jumped to Alma.

"Kanda!" he turned back hearing Allen's voice call out to him. "Lenny told me that if anyone would be able to save Alma, that's you! I feel the same."

He smiled at Kanda's sad frown, trying to reassure him. In turn, Kanda's scowl melted into a beautiful smile. "Thank you, Allen Walker. I'm alive thanks to you." Allen couldn't really explain why his chest and cheeks felt so warm at that, his exhaustion has dissipated. Allen felt that he could watch Kanda's usually angry facial expression serene at once, but the magic was over when Kanda turned back to face his old friend. "Alma!" His hands that attempted to destroy his childhood friend again now embraced him.

"Yuu?" Alma breathed out, seemingly unable to believe that Kanda hugged him.

"Let's run away from this place." Allen heard Kanda whisper. "To a place where Noah, Akuma, the Order and Innocence don't exist. This time we'll be together."

Fresh tears broke out from Alma's eyes and his lower half collapsed. Both he and Kanda were falling down.

Allen landed on top of the Noah's sculpture, not minding that there were five Noah in a 10 metres vicinity. He raised his hand up to open a gate as he pictured the soft sand where they buried Lala and Guzol.

His eyes met Kanda's questioning and a bit confused ones. For once he knew what Kanda was thinking. What a pity they only got this close at the very end... 'What are you doing? You can't stay here.'

In response Allen gave him a sad, but reassuring smile, that caused a tint of fear glint in Kanda's onyx eyes. Allen wasn't coming with them. With this decision he betrayed the Church, yet he was willing to stay and face his hopeless future. He was staying with the Noah who wanted to sacrifice him to revive their kin and the Order that would surely want to execute him for granting his only wish. Kanda would be finally free from fighting, he would be free from that unspoken promise.

 _I'm going to need a new Grim Reaper._ Allen thought. But it was alright. He was going to die anyway. There was no escape for him.

But right now, even with his stomach cut open, Allen felt a freedom he never felt before. He was the one in control, he decided the fate of people, he would see Alma and Kanda off. Not as the next 14th, not as an Exorcist, but as Allen Walker, who finally managed to save someone. He waved at Kanda still smiling and mouthed him farewell.

His heart squelched in his chest seeing tears well up in Kanda's eyes, his chapped lips curled around his name."Alle-" but Allen didn't get to hear him call him by his name again as Alma and Karma fell through the gate. But that was alright. Their long nightmare was over. Allen's would never end. But at least he could lull himself into this delicate dream. "Goodbye, Alma." Finally those two could have their well deserved rest. "Ark Gate, Adara." His fist closed, causing the gate to shatter like broken mirror.

As he glanced back at the stunned faces of the Noah and the Order his face was wiped clean from the smile, his eyes were only filled with determination. He would protect those two until the very end, even if it was the last thing he did.

**As you wish. It _will_ be.**

His eyes darkened, but he showed no other indications of hearing the 14th's voice. "I won't allow the Noah or the Church to meddle around again."


	3. Absolution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos, I hope you'll enjoy this chapter too.

Chapter 3 - Absolution

He blinked his eyes lazily as he regained consciousness finally. His mouth felt dry and his vision was swimming from a strong hit of nausea. His whole body was on fire, the wound from Mugen was pulsing painfully. His injury might have been dressed to avoid his death, however he was deprived of any painkillers as a form of punishment and torture.

The second kind of torture was way crueller. He had to bite back a moan sensing the fragrance of a warm meal. Normally he would be ecstatic to gobble down the delicious treat, but he knew better. He'd bet his other, intact kidney that Central tampered with his food. Seriously, leaving it out in the open like that without anything in return? Too easy. Either it was some poison that would make him experience great pain or it was some sort of truth serum.

Although, to be honest, right now he couldn't force a single bite down on his throat, he would surely throw it back up. (It would be hilarious to see Leverrier's reaction as he throw up on him, but he really didn't want to make matters worse than they already were.) Not to mention his torn insides would be unable to process any kind of intake. He's going to be on IV for a looong while.

His fever clouded eyes swept over the dull cell to distract himself from the evil temptation. His eyes landed on a Crow, who kept watching him intently. He didn't see his captor's eyes, but he could feel the cold satisfaction ooze from him/her.

"He's awake." Ah, it was a male.

Allen heard the shifting of clothes outside his cell, revealing that he had guards outside the prison too and that they were leaving to fetch the Inspector to interrogate him.

The white-haired teen got himself back on his feet and slowly approached the table, his back hunched from the abdominal pain. With sluggish moves he poured himself some water. Even if he didn't eat he had to keep himself hydratated. He took a cautious sip, to test if they mixed something in it. Tasting nothing, but the familiar freshness of water, he carefully gulped down the glass, not wanting to upset his stomach. When he was done he let out a small sigh of relief, then steeled himself again.

Last time he was completely silent much to the Secretary's fury. He tried his best to appear imposing and display his absolute authority in front of Allen, but he didn't bulge. The man quickly lost his tempered and started yelling, again, with no result, Allen remained mute. In the end he even slapped him across the cheek, demanding to know where he hid the two Second Exorcist, but he stayed impassive. After being hit through walls by Noah or Akuma, regular human's punches felt like small kittens' bats, let alone some paper-pusher's.

However, he didn't know what would happen this time. They might pull the honeyed string to manipulate him into giving answers. They might beat him half-dead (but wait, he was already half-dead, would that mean they'd beat him three fourth dead?). They might even poison him with a serum that would induce such pain that would make him beg for his death.

Who knows, maybe they'd soon lose their patience and start torturing him actively under the pretence of Inquisition. Inflict suffering on him, both mental and physical until he talked.

His fist clenched at the train of thought. It didn't matter. Throw whatever torture at him, he'll never utter a single word. He promised.

He closed his eyes and replayed the scene at the North American Branch. He could feel the wind caress his cheek, Kanda's body against his as they swung themselves to Alma, Kanda jumping off to get Alma, Kanda turning back and flash him that dazzling smile. His mind stopped and rewinded that sentence over and over.

It was warm. That smile, those eyes, they were so warm. Not like the scorching hot of the desert the institute was situated at. It was a completely different sort of heat, the one that came from the inside. That smile was so dazzling like a bright star that encompassed him in light. He felt so warm and light, as if someone took away the burdens from his shoulder, as if all his injuries magically healed. That smile was his sun, his last ray of hope in his situation. No matter what suffering they will put him through, it'll be worth it.

Kanda owed him nothing, yet he was willing to take on the role of eliminating him if the need arose. He spared Allen from the fear that his friends would be unable to finish him and end up killed instead of him. In a way Kanda freed him. So he just returned the favour and gave him what he always wanted. Kanda might be unable to fulfil his promise to him, but Allen didn't care, he was happy that Kanda could escape his hell. If only for a week, a day, a minute.

Alma probably breathed out his last already and soon Kanda too would... if he hadn't already...

Allen wouldn't let them near their bodies. He'll never let them repeat the whole fiasco, he wouldn't let them do this tragedy over again. This time Alma and Kanda would truly rest in their well-deserved peace. They wouldn't be betrayed like that once more. Allen would never give away their trust. He already failed Mana once, he didn't need any more regrets. He was going to hell either way. But at least, he got to see a glimpse of the beautiful heavens before he was thrown to his damnation. He didn't mind being stuck in hell for eternity if it meant that he could protect something.

_I'll protect your promise for sure. So please forget about ours._

The rattling of the lock and the creaking noise of the old wooden door swinging open woke him up from his musings. He countered the Inspector's glare with an impassive look. "Are you finally going to cooperate?"

The hell if he did.


	4. Scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the delay and the mistakes, I'm updating from my tablet. Thank you for the support, the hits and kudos. Please review.

Chapter 4 - Scars

Pale moonlight filtered into the small inn’s room. Even though it was designed for only two, three were occupying the small place. There were two beds along with a long couch where even a third person could sleep if needed.

On one of the beds, that was pushed against the wall, laid a shaggy, light brown haired young man. He was the only one who slept peacefully.

In the other bed, a decade younger teenager laid, silently watching the elder with a sad and exhausted expression.

“Go to sleep already, Beansprout.” Mercury irises snapped at the third person, sitting in the couch.

“I can’t.” the boy whispered so as not to awaken their slumbering companion.

“Can’t or won’t?” the other countered.

The white-haired teen sighed. “Kanda-”

“Don’t.” Kanda cut in, not wanting to hear his excuse. “You’re wounded. So sleep.”

Easier said than done, but he really didn’t feel like arguing right now. Kanda was right, he felt drained after today’s (or yesterday’s since it was way past midnight) events. This once, Kanda caught up on his unease and sighed.

“Look, what happened... is none of your fault.”

“I almost killed him.” the boy whispered fearfully.

“That wasn’t you.” the Japanese pressed.

Allen shook his head, trying to keep his tears at bay. It didn’t matter if he was conscious or not, the blood would be on his hands. He wanted to turn on his side and curl up into a ball and hide himself from the world. If not for those wretched ropes that prevented him from escaping he would have done so. “But what if it happens again?” he asked in an uncharacteristically small voice, not meeting Kanda’s eyes. “What if this time as I go to sleep I won’t wake up ever?”

Allen was certain that the other would be unable to answer, the same way he did. So when he felt the bed creak under him he jerked as much as his restraints let him. Kanda was on all fours above him, his hands by the side of Allen’s head. “Then I’ll stop him.” came the confident reply.

Allen frowned, anger and bitterness boiling in his veins. He really didn’t understand why Kanda was still insisting on that promise, he already freed the Second Exorcist from that burden, yet he came back for him. And then Kanda even had the nerve to call him an idiot.

“Kanda-”

“Shut up.” the Japanese growled. “This isn’t just about you. I promised. And you know how much I despise those who go back on their vow. Don’t make me hate myself any more than I do.”

Allen snapped his mouth shut at the unexpectedly honest confession. Thanks to the Noah’s meddling, he knew exactly what was Kanda thinking about. Allen knew everything about him, while Kanda still didn't know anything about him. While he was reluctant to expose the least of himself, knowing so intimate secrets about Kanda... it wasn’t fair. He really couldn’t reply to this one. 

“I.. I just don’t want you to suffer anymore. Please, just... forget it and let me be.” He all but begged. It was agonizing to know that because of him Kanda would be - was - hurting more. But deep down, a selfish part of his was glad to have Kanda by his side. Even though his mouth said ‘leave me alone’, his heart ached with the yearning to say ‘don’t leave me, stay'.

Said person clicked his tongue in annoyance. “Idiot Beansprout.” he whispered in a harsh tone, not wanting to wake Johnny up to this. This was only between the two of them. “Don’t you get it that I don’t want to die with regrets? And that I don’t want you to die alone like the traitor the world believes you are? Fucking forget it.” 

“What does it matter?” Allen asked bitterly. “I’m going to die anyways. So please, just let me go. I don’t want you to remember me like this.” So weak and pathetic. 

Allen saw that his words left Kanda conflicted. While he barely knew scraps of information about Allen, he completely understood Allen’s fear of reliving memories that didn’t belong to him - moreover ones that threatened to erase him. Also, the Japanese always had a strong sense of pride, so he could relate that Allen didn’t want to seem vulnerable. As he shifted, his black bangs fell to cover his eyes from his view. “Look, I’m... I’m sorry.”

Silver eyes widened at Kanda’s soft voice. The swordsman was exposing a side of him he only showed to Alma before: the insecure child that realised how painful it was to be left behind. “I... did something horrible to you...” he whispered as his hand sought out the injury he inflicted. Every time he thought of it he felt revolted by himself. Just like Allen's grotesque scar - mental and physical and emotional - , his sins would never disappear either. He could never amend this sin. “I stole you of your future because of my hatred. I became the exact same as the people I despised. But even then... you saved me. You forgave me. But, even if you forgive me, I’ll never be able to forgive myself. So at least I’m staying with you until the very end.” 

Allen only realised he was crying when Kanda raised his hand to wipe away his tears. His black hair pooled around them as he lowered his head until their foreheads were touching. He wanted to scream at Kanda to run, to save himself, to just leave him but no words came out of his mouth. 

He was so happy. Just so happy... that he wasn’t alone anymore. 

“I won’t leave. I don’t want to die alone and you won’t die alone, I won’t let you.” slim fingers intertwined with his blackened ones. “We’re staying together until the end.” 

Let’s die together - was the unsaid plea. Kanda didn’t want to be alone either. “I promise. And this time I won’t run.” With that he leaned forward to seal his promise with a kiss.  
  



	5. Onsra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm glad to see that this story of mine is this popular, thank you for the kudos and hits everyone. Also, MsMusicLover, thank you for the encouraging comment, you left me squealing in delight. I hope you'll like this chapter too.

Chapter 5 - Onsra, to love for the last time

Jaws clicked and saliva ran down on their cheeks with the messy way they were kissing. Their hands greedily sought out each other’s skin, not caring if they were rough, it’s not like they were ever gentle with each other. Their calloused hands tightly gripped each other’s clothes, impatiently tugging the restricting material. Fire burned under their skin, not unlike the ones that fuelled their heated bickerings. They were desperate, in need of contact.

This was their final night.

Tomorrow everything will end.

Tomorrow they’ll be finally laid to rest.

There was comfort in that fact, but also unmasked anxiety. Finally they’d be freed from the burdens of their lives: the Noah Clan, the Church, the Innocence, their curses, the Fourteenth... Finally, everything would come to an end. And this was their farewell.

On the other hand, there was the natural fear of death, the terror of ceasing to exist. Regretfully it couldn’t be helped, Allen knew that his end was near, even he couldn’t be expected to hold off the 14th forever. But he’d be damned if he let that guy do as he pleased. So suicide it was and where he went, Kanda would follow.

They were sad to realise that they would be unable to say goodbye to their friends, but maybe it was better this way: teary goodbyes were unlike them. 

There was no use in mulling about what the world would be like if they won - they were soldiers bound to the battlefield, they had no place in a peaceful world. They were far too damaged. 

Finally the annoying articles were cast aside so they could welcome each other’s unclothed form. Neither of the two possessed flawless skin, both of them had some kind of imperfection. Those were just another proof how much life fucked them over.

Allen’s body was littered with scars of all sizes, but the three most prominent was those left by Mana, Crowned Clown and Mugen. They were eternal reminders of his sin and  _ what  _ he was. And then there was also the Innocence that clung to the boy ever since he was born, marking him as the infamous Destroyer of Time. At this point he wasn’t even sure if the prophecy was about him in the end.

Meanwhile Kanda’s skin was - _ had been - _ entirely unblemished with the exception of the tattoo on his left pectoral. Now it stretched across the almost entire expanse of his chest, reminding him just how short he was on time.

_ Exactly  _ like the boy under him.

Allen had already gotten to the point that he didn't dare to sleep. It wasn’t unfounded, they had accidents. So many and severe that they had to leave a comatose Johnny at a rural hospital - with enough money to nurse him back to help and convinced the staff that they had never been there. As  time passed, the harder it was to keep Neah at bay and the longer the duration of his dominance remained. Both minds were stubborn and wanting to finish this war, neither of them willing to submit to the other. Even if they had the same goal, they simply sacrificed too much to disappear.

Kanda had to practically bully Allen into sleeping, but the clown Exorcist only accepted if he was confined, so he wouldn’t hurt anyone ever again. Kanda hated to admit, but Allen was right about it, since there were times when Neah woke up earlier. It was a race between the two, about who could fall asleep earlier and wake up sooner. A death match of endurance. Needless to say, they couldn’t go on forever, in the end Allen’s body would give up and push the two minds into unconsciousness. It was one of the rare times Kanda could lower his guard a little.

Other times, like now, that they were losing themselves in passion did Kanda lower his guard. His hands hungrily explored the naked skin, mindful not to put pressure on the still unhealed stab, it was still tender.

Tongues were clashing in a heated dance as they ground their bodies together. Gasps, mewls, moans, pants fell of their lips, urging the other to touch more, feel more, hold more and just do more. Their mute pleas pass through without words.   _ Hold me, kiss me, stay with me! Don’t let me go, don’t leave me alone! _

Two hands slid into each other and intertwined as the mattress creaked under their movements as they sought their ecstasy in each other. Scratches, bites, squeezing and sucking, they committed every detail in their memories. They clung to each other as if they were apologizing for every punch and kick. Now this was only about forgetting themselves and the world and their responsibilities for a night and unite as Kanda Yuu and Allen Walker.

Their breathing gradually quickened as they neared their completion. Faster. Harder. Stronger. Faster, harder, stronger, fasterharderstronger,  _ fasterharderstronge- _

Fireworks exploded behind their eyelids as the force of their orgasm washed over them, freeing them from their worries if only for a moment. They jerked a final time, before they disconnected. 

Allen let out a content sigh as Kanda’s arm circled around him, pulling him over his chest. Long fingers caressed his skin soothingly, coaxing him to sleep. Now that the boy was spent and completely exhausted Neah wouldn’t try taking over. Not to mention even he wasn’t reckless enough to charge at the Millennium Earl without a fully rested body. Tonight they had ceasefire.

Through equally drained lidded eyes, Kanda watched the Bean drift off. For some reason it felt idyllic to watch little idiot finally sleep peacefully. At least he could grant the younger a little amount of happiness, something to hold on when everything went to hell. They both needed it.

He pulled up the blanket to cover their bodies. The Sprout let out a sleeping noise as he nestled himself in Kanda’s embrace. Despite himself Kanda found himself quirking his lips upward. Even if it was only for a night, the two of them could be human.


	6. Swan Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I haven't destroyed your heart until now, now I will. Feedbacks are welcome.

Chapter 6 - Swan Song - A person’s final public performance/professional activity before retirement; derived from the legend that a swan is mute until moments before death during which it sings a beautiful song

 

Innocence laced blades cut through Akuma shells mercilessly. The two warriors fought back to back, protecting the other from getting hit. 

There were other Exorcists on the battlefield too, no doubt intent on capturing them, but they were unable to approach the two from the overwhelming amount of Akumas. The Noah were thrown in the mix too, playing with the enemy like they always did. The Millennium Earl watched from afar, on the surface as the two opposing forces fought down in the Canyon, waiting for the Heart to show himself.

Allen and Kanda finally managed to get an opening, so they made a run for it, aiming for the Creator. Their former comrades cried out their names, but they didn’t turn back. They had to finish this fight as soon as they could or else the number of casualties would continue to grow. Allen’s heart screamed at him to turn back and help, but he knew he couldn’t, he had to stop the Noah once and forever. He didn’t know whether his friends still lived or not, but he didn't have the time to worry about them. He had to put his faith in them and believe that they would survive. With Clown Belt he hauled themselves up to the Duke’s level.

Allen summoned the Sword of Exorcism and clashed with the Maker. Kanda dove down and swiped at the Earl’s side, who defended with a sphere of Dark Matter, leaving himself with a single hand to counter Allen’s blows. Just as planned.

The First Noah was ready to blow the samurai’s head off and kill him for good, when suddenly all force left him. Something pierced him. 

Impossible, he still felt Allen Walker’s Innocence against his blade! He looked down in shock to see a grey hand bury itself within his chest. Apparently the Destroyer of Time let go of the blade to attack from his blind spot. His eyes followed the arm to meet golden irises.  _ So that’s how it was. _

A wry smile spread on his lips as he dissipated into dust. 

The era of a new Millennium arose.

The Exorcists halted seeing the Akuma suddenly still, then fall to the ground unmoving like discarded toys. The Noah didn’t have time to be surprised, because their enemies instantly targeted them instead.

Back where the Earl stood the Apocryphos finally showed up with the Heart in his possession. The two opposing forces held each other’s glances for a long time, until Apocryphos glanced at the Second Exorcist.

Kanda sighed, then nodded. Apocryphos then glanced back at the Earl, who just smiled with an apologetic look. He knew what was coming was inevitable.

The independent Innocence bowed its head in obedience. Light erupted from the unearthly being’s body as it united itself with the Sword of Exorcism. Kanda took hold of the new, alien sword and crossed it with Mugen.

Noah and Exorcists alike flinched at the raw power that rushed over them. All eyes snapped to the place where the two strongest Exorcists and the Millennium Earl battled. 

A huge pillar of light erupted to the sky, blinding the onlookers. The brightness then started to tremble as it morphed into a headless and armless humanoid form, that had wings instead. They shuddered realising what it was.

In the next moment, the enormous creature bowed forward until the head of the light touched the ground. Another huge shockwave boomed through the valley with deafening noise. Even as it dissipated, the withnesses’ ears continued to ring. 

As the light faded away two figures materialised from the whiteness. A white haired one stood there unmoving, gazing at the sky, not wanting to look at the pool of his own blood on the ground. In front of him a black haired young man was standing, his hands holding the weapon that was buried in the Earl.

Finally everything came to an end. The Three Days of Darkness would never come. The war was won. 

More blood escaped the lethal wound as the sword pulsed and retreated in the Earl’s body. The younger teen coughed up blood feeling the Innocence destroy him from the inside. His body was becoming heavy and numb from his only weakness. God’s Crystal was like poison to him after all. Hit by a wave of nausea, he lost balance and fell forward. Before he could hit the ground, he was caught by a pair of familiar arms.

For a second, the Duke blacked out but he was jolted awake when this time he did hit the ground. Thankfully the arms still remained. Lazily, he glanced in the eyes of the other. He too was panting hard, close to his end. Even if he was a Second Exorcist, the power of the Heart, that even assimilated Crowned Clown, Mugen, Apocryphos and all the Accommodatorless Innocence fragments morphed together, was simply too powerful. Crackling sound could be heard as small parts of him crumbled into dust.

“Finally...” the Earl whispered, feeling his consciousness, his  _ life  _ slip away. “Finally it’s all over.” Tears welled in his eyes as he glanced into onyx irises. His lips quirked upwards, smiling through his pain. It will be over soon. “Thank you. For staying my side until the very end.” Wetness escaped his eyes as he pushed himself forward to peck the other’s chapped lips. “I love you.” With that a final exhale left his lips and his eyes lost their shine forever.

A trembling hand, half shattered to dust rose to settle on the jagged scar on the cooling body’s cheek. “Idiot Beansprout... Allen.” As he tried to wipe away the tears from the once bright, but now dulled eyes his thumb broke off. He let out a bitter chuckle at that. “Didn’t we promise that we’d die together? It seems in the end you couldn’t keep some of your oaths. But you know what? It’s better that you’ve gone sooner. You would have bawled your eyes out if I left you alone.” he snickered bitterly, then groaned in pain as his leg tore off. He didn’t have much longer either. But he had to say this, these feelings couldn’t remain unsaid, he already made many mistakes by not telling people how much they meant to him. He could only hope that Allen would hear every word he said. “You know... I too wish... that I could love you... if only...we had the chance...”

_ Kanda. _

“I... wanted to love you too...”

_ Tomorrow you’ll become the Heart. _

His hand reached out to close Allen’s eyelids. “We’ll never be born again... ”

_ And tomorrow I’ll become the Millennium Earl. _

“So let me make this last promise...”As he intended to caress the serene face, his hand dropped off its socket. 

_ So if only for tonight... _

This didn’t deter him, though, as much as his body left him, he pulled the other’s diminishing one closer. “This time...”

_ Please let us hold each other as Kanda Yuu and Allen Walker. _

Tears rolled down on his cheeks freely, disappearing into the dry earth. “We’re going to stay together forever.”

_ I love you. _

A beautiful smile spread on his face as his eyes started to drop. “I promise.”

_ I’ll love you forever. _

He sighed for the last time, before both of them turned to ashes. “I promise.” 


	7. Revenant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And finally, the last chapter! Thank you for the hits and kudos, also thank you to MsMusicLover for not one but two comments, your comments always cheer me up, I hope your arm will heal soon.

Chapter 7 - Revenant

  » Coming back; returning from the dead/after a lengthy absenc **e**

or Metempsychosis

  » Reincarnation, rebirth, rebirth as a new life form

Some promises cannot be fulfilled. He had many promises and sadly some of them could never be fulfilled. He knew that, but he still couldn’t help but feel a tingle of regret.

But maybe, it’s not that much of a problem sometimes, maybe some promises are better left unfulfilled. 

Though perhaps not in this case. Allen groaned in annoyance seeing how little money he had. His good for nothing godfather has yet again accumulated insane amount of debt and left it for him to clean up. Even though after Oslo he promised that he wouldn’t do it again(long story...)! At times like this he truly despised the old man. He’d have to lose sleep to go to a casino and earn enough money next to saving up like crazy. Before anything he’d have to stock up on some food since the coupon would be invalid over tomorrow.

He glanced around in the store’s shelf knowing that he had to choose what he wanted carefully. He knew for sure that there would be no meat this weak. He had to choose meals rich in calorie: rice, potato and pasta. Maybe he could eat rice with an egg on top? Or he should cook soup so that would fill up his stomach? Ah, decisions, decisions. Which one to choose?

He halted with his trolley at the mirelit section. It seemed as his problems were sold.  His eyes widened at the sight of paper hanging inside the freezer. Allen could feel himself tear up in joy. The frozen tempura was 70% off! He wouldn’t have to starve! 

He spread his arms wide, took as many as he could and dumped it all in the trolley. Even if he bought all of these he still could buy some rice and vegetables! He basically tore open the freezer and dumped an armful of frozen veggies grinning like a fool.

He happily rolled his trolley away a little staggering as his shoe caught in the uneven floor - a rather large piece of tile was broken. However, he quickly lost interest in it as he looked up, only to once again let out a squeal of delight. The instant soba noodles were  _ 90%  _ off _!  _ This was a miracle! It had to be! Maybe someone did think of him up above! Now if he bought a lot of rice then he would be fine! Maybe he could even make some Mitarashi Dumplings! He laughed giddily at the thought. He was saved!

He reached to the shelf to take the remaining ones when his left hand bumped into another person’s. It was a tall, judging from his build, a stunningly handsome male with long black hair tied in a high ponytail, wearing a black T-shirt with dark blue jeans and sneakers. His hand was so warm, it made his skin tingle under the clothe. If he wasn’t looking in the onyx irises of the stranger, he would have noticed the star-shaped birthmark on his hand let out a green light. He was busier with other issues.

His smile froze to his face glancing to the side where a person was looking at him funnily. Allen only laughed nervously. “Umm...”

“My answer is no.” Both males whipped their head in the direction of the voice. The colour drained from Allen’s face. It belonged to a blond woman in her early thirties standing with her back showed to a log red haired man with a mask covering half of his face.

“Come now, Klaud.” The man whispered huskily as he stood way too close to a woman who just rejected him. “You, me, alone with a bottle of Romanée Conti. Don’t worry about the brat, I already took care of him.” Allen’s hand tightened around the plastic wrapping he was holding to the point that it looked ready to explode.  _ This  _ was the reason he had to go gamble tonight?!

“Get the picture Cross, I’m not interested.” The woman replied irritated. 

“Is it because of that brat?” Cross asked sighing as he looped an arm around the visibly unwilling woman. “No worries, he’ll tag along with mine so you and I can-GUAH!!” 

Miss Nine’s eyes snapped wide open seeing a piece of large and heavy tile plant itself in Cross’s face, knocking him over and effectively knocking him out. She blinked seeing the man lie surrounded in broken tiles and she raised her curious eyes to his saviour. 

She recognised him, it was Allen, the only one who could babysit Timothy without a mental breakdown or having the house set on fire. He was standing beside Tiedoll’s brat who was eyeing the boy with slight surprise. No surprise the pristine white appearance of his lulled people into false fantasies, like the boy was innocent. Strange, she never saw the two of them together. Then again, Cross and the boy moved to the town only recently. The boy wiped his hands in his pants and nodded at her. Her lips quirked upwards and nodded back.

Allen sighed as he glanced at the elder teen who was looking at him, then his cart. Still somewhat nervous for being ogled by that he handed the soba he was holding and shoved it in his arms. “Here.” he grumbled not meeting those onyx eyes. “This one is the best.” He grabbed onto the front metal bars of the cart and pulled it to where Cross’ body lied. He grabbed his old man by his hair and dragged him towards the cashier followed by Miss Nine. 

Kanda continued to watch the unknown white-haired boy. Kanda prided himself on having an impeccable ability to read people, at first he thought the boy was a typical shy, nice and boring guy, a goody two shoes. The white hair was strange, but he figured this was the guy’s attempt to “rebel”. Just like a bean that wanted to break the confines of it shell and started sprouting. Yea, a Beansprout, that was what this guy was.

But in the next second, the teen tore up the floor tile and hurled it at the pervert. Also, for some reason the strange birthmarks he bore on his forearms and chest pulsed… and the boy had similar one on the back of his hand. His instincts said that if he followed the kid around then maybe he’d know what these symbols meant.

He glanced at the item the boy thrusted in his hand. It was Maker of Eden’s soba, the only one he liked and only because his old man made sure that he’s like it. Beansprout flavour. His favourite.

THE END

Well, this was fun. I’m glad I could write this without much delay. Hope you guys liked it. As always feedback is much appreciated. See you around~!


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